i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize