he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize