I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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