pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I haven't been this sober since birth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
