Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
