I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it penis luge time yet?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
