Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
