I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize