i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
