I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
