Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
