Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I just put wine in my tea
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
