i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
