Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
