Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
