Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
