i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
