She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She even gives head with a lisp.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
