i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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