dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
