i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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