They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
