We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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