Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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