My friends, they love my intelligence
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
