Non-Jews are for practice
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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