I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
