By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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