I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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