on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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