...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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