is your mom at the bar?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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