Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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