Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
