btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
