You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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