TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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