just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
