God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
