Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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