just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
