At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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