it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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