We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
