Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
