I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
