life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
