she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
