Need sex. Gaining weight.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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