Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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