I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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