ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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