Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Please don't give away my fajitas
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
