awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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