The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
