this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
