Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
bring money and cleavage
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
