Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
