Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
