i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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