oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Randomize
