two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
