I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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