Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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