He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
