what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
