Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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