Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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