swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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