Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
