My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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