It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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